BOTOX IS THE WAY TO GO               <--Prev : Next-->

Mother Nature was incredibly kind to women when she decided that one's eyes must grow more and more dim with age, because as a gal's face takes on the look of a road map as she gets older, so, thank goodness, do her husbands eyes deteriorate and he is hopefully unable to see those "fine lines and wrinkles".

Well thats what the beauty books call them - "fine lines and wrinkles" more like craters and crevasses actually.

Having spent a good deal of time in Texas recently, I had time to notice the skins of all them Texan Gals. Not a line or wrinkle, not a crevasse or crinkle do they possess and I put it down to the humidity which is very high indeed here.!

However I then discovered that it was not all to do with the humidity but a lot to do with a product called BOTOX.

Now BOTOX treatments advocate injections which can reduce those crevasses and craters dramatically to say nothing to what it does to the fine lines and wrinkles. In reality it paralyses the muscles of the injected area, thus causing the wrinkles to vanish !!

BUT it only lasts for three months and then after that you have to scurry around like Michael Jackson with a mask over your face until you get another treatment !!

Are you familiar with Tupperware Parties ?

Well women all over America now hold BOTOX parties. You gather several of your wrinkly friends together, ply them with wine to dull the pain, and then along comes a handsome real live Doctor - a BOTOX doctor, who gives you injections in the necessary facial areas, a few more glasses of wine and off you go to your dinner date, sans lines, sans wrinkles, sans crevasses and craters ! It's as easy as that !!

The trouble is you cannot smile anymore cos your facial muscles are paralysed. !!

Gone are those friendly laughter lines around your eyes, gone are those character lines around the mouth, skin stretched tight across your face, you look wonderful, BUT IT ONLY LASTS FOR THREE MONTHS.

I have not yet discovered the cost of these injections, maybe I can persuade He Who Must Be Obeyed to give me an advance on my housekeeping, but can I persuade him to send me back to Texas every three months ?

Have you ever noticed that when you're of a certain age, everything seems uphill from where you are? Stairs are steeper. Groceries are heavier. And, everything is farther away. Yesterday I walked to the corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people are less considerate now, especially the young ones. They speak in whispers all the time! If you ask them to speak up they just keep repeating themselves, endlessly mouthing the same silent message until they're red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much younger than I was at the same age. On the other hand, people my own age are so much older than I am. I ran into an old friend the other day and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor dear while I was combing my hair this morning, and in doing so, I glanced at my own refection........Well, REALLY NOW . even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone drives so fast today! You're risking life and limb if you just happen to pull onto the motorway in front of them. All I can say is, their brakes must wear out awfully fast, the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are less civilized these days. Why else would they suddenly start labelling a size 10 or 12 dress as 18 or 20? Or 34/36 waist as 42/44? Do they think no one notices that these things no longer fit around the waist, hips, thighs, and bosom?

The people who make bathroom scales are pulling the same prank, but in reverse. Do they think I actually "believe" the number I see on that dial? HA! I would never let myself weigh that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to telephone someone in authority to report what's going on -- but the telephone companies are in on the conspiracy too: they've printed the phone books in such small type that no one could ever find a number in here!

All I can do is pass along this warning: Maturity is under attack! Unless something drastic happens, pretty soon "everyone" will have to suffer these awful indignities.